Shira Lazar on Her Herpes Diagnosis, Shame and Honest Conversations

Shira Lazar introduces a personal story she began sharing publicly in 2021: her experience of genital herpes. She says an invitation from sexologist Shan Boodram to discuss it helped bring the subject into the open.

Lazar says she was diagnosed more than a decade earlier and was not certain when or from whom she acquired the infection. She recalls learning that people can have herpes without recognizing symptoms for a long time.

For years, she says, she felt ashamed and kept the diagnosis secret. She describes being almost in denial and explains that realizing she was not alone helped motivate her to tell her story.

She recalls discussing the experience on Boodram’s podcast alongside a doctor and feeling grateful for a candid conversation. She then turns to her search for a long-term partner and the work she began in therapy during the pandemic.

In therapy, Lazar says she considered whether hiding part of herself was affecting her relationships. She reflects on accountability and on looking inward instead of attributing every relationship difficulty to the other person.

She describes shame and secrecy as areas where she needed healing. For her, not coming to terms with the diagnosis felt like an emotional prison, and she feared she might not be worthy of love.

As she began telling people with whom she was intimate, she experienced fear and anxiety about rejection. She says the fear felt deeply ingrained, even though she came to understand that the diagnosis did not define her worth.

Lazar says she could not control another person’s response, so she worked on accepting herself and knowing she would be all right even if a conversation hurt. She describes disclosure as a way of finding relationships aligned with what she wanted.

She recalls an early conversation about sexually transmitted infections with the partner she later met. When she disclosed her diagnosis, she says his accepting response was an emotional moment and made subsequent conversations easier.

Lazar says she told Boodram about this change during an off-air conversation. Boodram invited her to speak about it on a show for Quibi; Lazar recorded an episode in 2020 and learned shortly afterward that the service was shutting down.

Months later, Boodram invited her onto a new podcast to discuss love after herpes. Lazar decided to participate and says the experience connected her with people working to reduce stigma and provide information.

Although she felt supported during the recording, Lazar says she woke up anxious the next day and contacted former partners. She describes those conversations as difficult but important to her sense of accountability and support.

She also worried about telling family and whether companies would still want to work with her. She questioned whether preserving a superficial image for potential work was worth hiding a part of her life.

Lazar says she wants her work to feel purposeful and connected, even when sharing something personal requires a leap of faith. She encourages anyone struggling with disclosure to seek support from trusted people or a mental health professional.

She says her own experience taught her to make space for healing and to believe that an accepting relationship is possible. She wants to continue the conversation with community members and experts.

Lazar hopes listeners feel less alone and that people without herpes also learn to have compassionate conversations about sexual health. She describes sexual health as part of a broader view of well-being alongside mental, physical and emotional health.

Lazar challenges stigma and discusses her understanding of herpes. At about 13:16, she incorrectly says transmission cannot occur without an outbreak. The [CDC explains](https://www.cdc.gov/herpes/about/index.html) that herpes can be passed to a partner even when no symptoms are present; condoms can reduce but not eliminate risk.

She encourages people to talk with partners about sexual health and describes vulnerability as a path toward connection. Her account reflects her own experience and is not a substitute for individualized medical guidance.

Lazar closes by reflecting that a diagnosis did not make her unworthy. She invites viewers to share experiences of opening up about something they felt ashamed of and reminds them they are not alone.